I Am Like An Onion -Shrek

I'm going to throw something hard on you guys: I'm not the person you think I am.

*Shocking*

No, seriously. I'm not.

I'm often described as:
- Funny

- Nice

- Annoying

- Helpful

- Obedient

- Argumentative (NOT opinionated, because apparently having opinions is good. . .)

- Straight-Forward (Or painfully honest. . .whichever epithet you prefer)

- Opinionated (NOT argumentative, because apparently arguing is bad. . .)

- Loud

- The "Can't Shut Up" Person

- Happy

- Good (Good in the sense of following my religion and rules)

- Humble


Here's what I really am:
- Dry in humor. I'm only "funny" because I'm hardly aware of the idiotic behavior I project. So, this doesn't make me funny (being laughed with), this makes me. . .someone that's being laughed at.

- I am NOT nice. At ALL. I am the most selfish, rude, manner-less, nonsensical, uneducated, doesn't-hold-doors-or-smiles-at-strangers creature on Earth. If you could read my mind. . .well, I'm the reason why the air is so thick.

- Yes. I am very annoying. I agree with you there one hundred and ten percent. There's nothing you nor I can do to change that. In fact, my nuisance of a behavior has been misinterpreted as being snappy or rude. It's caused trouble.

- I will not say that I am not helpful. I can be of help with your homework, with you're mother's kitchen work, with you're neighbor's lawn. But, those are not actions of the heart. They're more out of obligation and what others will make of them. Lament's terms: I do it to impress people. Which is often seen as "plastic behavior".

- Obedient? Am I really?? Yes, I will do as you say master. But, that's because often times when an adult asks me to do something, the only reason I say yes is because there are other people there and I don't want to cause a scene or because I just don't want confrontation by saying no. I cringe a little on the inside when asked to do something.

- Argumentative. Yes. I am. Very, very argumentative. Wanna know something though? I never, ever, ever say my side of the story. Why? I'm a pushover (you'll be reading about that later. It won't be pretty). I will not say that this is the other person's fault. Not because I care oh so much for your feelings. It's because, once again, the fear of confrontation dominates what comes out of my mouth.

- I will tell you if you have a booger hanging out of your nose, or if you have spinach stuck between your teeth. No, I don't give a crap about YOUR reputation as much as MY reputation. I mean, can I really be seen hanging with someone like that?

- Opinionated, often confused with argumentative. Not the same. Supposedly, people are amazed by others with opinions. But, they are pissed at people who argue. Which is why I state my opinions. I want to amaze people. (Hint hint, shallow)

- Loud. Ohhhhhh yes. I'm loud. I'm louder than the bullhorn your mom will bring to your graduation plus your dad's clappers. No, it's not natural. It's something I always think about before I do it. I'm only loud because I crave other people's attention. See, I told you I wasn't invisible.

- Make me shut up. I can't. It's against my rules to live. This goes back to being loud. I do it to make people look.

- Happy????? Am I really that good of an actress that I've convinced you that I'm happy? I'm not emo, no, so I won't rant about my oh so sad life and my desires to die. . .(which, I assure you, do not exist) But, really, I'm not happy. I have my past to regret, and I'm one to dwell. And doesn't your past make your present. . .which makes your future? All three of mine are screwed up, so I'm not happy. Plus, it seems everything I do triggers someone's nerves. . .so I'm losing friends left and right. Would YOU be happy with that?

- Good, good, good, bad. The one that doesn't fit is that only one that fits me. I may seem like I'm good, but you need to see my insides to understand my outsides. I have a hard time keeping up the. . .good. Usually, from my observations. . .good people are good naturally. It's the bad ones that have a hard time adjusting.

- Humble! Me?!! Nooooo. I love to bloat, to brag, to take pride. Look at me! Look at what I did, what you couldn't do! Look, look, look!


First and foremost, I'd like to congratulate you on making it this far into this blog. I would've expected you to become too disgusted by my true appearance to continue onward. You probably are disgusted, but apparently nowadays, disgusting things appeal to you y'uns. I would seriously like to make it clear that I am not typying up this blog to bash myself for your pity, or for my pleasure. . .I'm doing it because after the month of Ramadan (basically the month of spiritual cleansing), I've come up with one simple resolution: to change. It took me three years to change my outer appearance and to make myself seem "good" to others (you'd have to have gone to middle school with me in order to understand what I've just said). Now, I want to make it count by changing the reasons behind it. I want to actually be humble for the sake of being humble. I want to actually be good for the sake of being good. I want to actually be nice, funny, helpful, obedient, loud and everything else for the sake of it. I want to shed this scaly skin, and slip into one more smooth, more moisturized.

I will change.